The Hazard of Being Excessively Polite : When Affection Understate Overlooked

Disclaimer from the Author:
Using a variety of frameworks and best practices that I have come across during my academic and professional career, this article is a study and reflection of my PERSONAL PERSPECTIVE. The given examples and figures are conceptual in nature and should be regarded as guiding principles rather than actual situations or fully verified data.
Instead of using this content as a final source for operational frameworks or policy implementation, readers are encouraged to use it as a reference for investigating concepts and tactics. Although the insights are intended to stimulate critical thinking and comprehension, neither official government procedures nor empirical research serves as their foundation. When applying these ideas to actual circumstances, users should use caution and look for additional information or expert advice. 

The Risk of Being Overly Courteous: When Subtle Love Is Ignored

In a world that rewards aggressive need and risky ambition, courtesy takes on a double-edged sword; even in the context of the workplace.

Many of us are actually brought up to be dutiful, humble and soft-spoken, especially in the Philippines. We say "opo" to everybody, if there are meetings, nobody talks or interrupts, and defies the opinion of our boss, even if we have something good to say about it.

But there's a truth that is hard to swallow; it happens that being overly polite costs visibility, opportunities, and yes, even a promotion sometimes.

When "Politeness" Turns to Passivity

Being kind-even sweet and polite-is not a bad thing. It is, in fact, a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). But there is that delicate balance between courtesy and passivity. The latter will be left with nothing because he did not even turn up for the meetings, while the former will earn admiration.

Take the example of Mica, a project coordinator based in one of Makati's firms. Mica is always early, hardly complains, willingly helps the team even without being told to do so, and at times even allows others to take the credit during presentations. Everybody calls her "super bait"- but when promotion came, she was overlooked for a louder colleague who did not mind blowing their trumpets.

Mica wasn't less competent- she was just less visible.

The Corporate World Rewards Voice

Companies promote people who are seen as leaders—and leadership isn't just about hard work; it's also about presence. If you’re always agreeable, always silent, and always deferential, people might mistake your silence for a lack of initiative.

You might be thinking, “But isn’t humility a virtue?” Absolutely. But even humility has strength. Jesus Himself was humble, yet He spoke with authority. He confronted injustice. He challenged the status quo—with grace, yes—but also with courage.

Bible Verse to Reflect On

“The wicked flee though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.”
— Proverbs 28:1 (NIV)

As Christians, we're called to be bold in truth and courageous in purpose—not arrogant, not aggressive, but bold enough to step forward and use the gifts God gave us.

So What Can You Do?

1. Speak up with confidence – Share your ideas in meetings. You don't have to be loud—just clear and intentional.

2. Track your wins – Don’t be afraid to mention your accomplishments in evaluations or when opportunities come up.

3. Say no when needed – Boundaries are healthy. Being polite doesn’t mean being a pushover.

4. Ask for what you deserve – Promotion, raise, new project—if you've earned it, request it. Don’t wait to be noticed.

Final Thoughts: Be Kind—but Also Strategic

Politeness is beautiful. But don’t let it silence you.

Your talents, ideas, and value won’t shine if you’re always stepping aside for others. Remember: God didn’t give you a spirit of timidity but of power, love, and self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7). So be kind, but also be bold. You were made to lead, not just to assist.